 |
|
|
|
 |
See StyleWriter in action. Click on
"DEMO" above to launch the online demonstration of StyleWriter. The demo lasts
no more than five minutes. This demo showcases some of StyleWriter's staple
features as it edits a business letter into plain English. StyleWriter is ready
to tackle your documents, no matter how long or how complicated they may
be.
|
Most
poor writing comes from picking up the writing habits of those around us, poor
habits you probably don't know you have. Here are some examples of typical
documents and the changes StyleWriter recommends...
|
|
Without StyleWriter
Dear Mr
Thompson:
We have now completed the majority
of
our redrafting work conducted on an annual basis for your management brochure however
a number of issues
still remain to
be addressed before it
can be sent for
printing.
I have
been asked to follow-up on a number of questions that need to
be answered by
yourself or your head of public affairs.
I would be grateful if you could give this matter your
urgent attention. Should you have any questions
concerning the information required, please do not hesitate to contact
me. |
|
With StyleWriter
Dear Mr
Thompson:
We have
completed most of this year's redrafting work on your corporate management
brochure. However, you need to address some issues before we print the
brochure.
I need to follow up these questions with you or your head of
public affairs.
Please look at these issues urgently and
contact me if you need more information. |
Words: 93
StyleWriter suggested improvements 17:
6 wordy phrases
· 2 complex words
· 3 business clichés
· 5
passive verbs
· 1 long sentence
· 1 grammar error (by
yourself)
1 hyphenation error (follow-up)
|
|
Words: 60
The
StyleWriter recommended redraft is 60 words - 33 percent shorter.
|
| |
Without StyleWriter |
|
|
|
With
StyleWriter |
|
| |
The Agency cannot meet this
additional work primarily because it comes at a time when a 15 percent
reduction is faced in budget resources, and no growth is being
considered. |
|
|
|
The Agency cannot meet this
extra work because we face a 15 percent cut in our budget and we cannot
consider any growth.
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Words: 30 |
|
|
|
Words: 23 |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Without StyleWriter |
|
|
|
With
StyleWriter |
|
| |
When the electricity supply is cut off, it
causes a power surge to be put in the circuit and this can lead to a loss of
data being suffered in the financial data that has been collected by the
company. |
|
|
|
If the electricity supply fails, a power
surge can lead to a loss of the company's financial data. |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Words: 40 |
|
|
|
Words: 18 |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Without StyleWriter |
|
|
|
With
StyleWriter |
|
| |
Should you be involved in
an accident while the vehicle is in your possession, it is necessary that you
to indicate the damage on the appropriate place on the claims form.
|
|
|
|
If you have an accident,
please show the extent of the damage on page 12 of the claims form. |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Words: 31 |
|
|
|
Words: 19 |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Without StyleWriter |
|
|
|
With
StyleWriter |
|
| |
Our professional fees are based upon the
degree of responsibility, the skill involved and the amount of time required to
complete the engagement. Such fees are based on various standard charges and
reflect different categories of personal.
In the
assessment of the engagement, your Company's recruitment policy "has been taken
into consideration as well as allowing for on the job training to be provided
to employees who have been selected. This training would be provided initially
by the supervision of your staff by our professional consultants."
It is
appreciated that we have been invited to submit our quotation for the provision
of proper staff training resources to enhance the management skills of your
Company. Should you require any clarification on any aspect of our proposal
please do not hesitate to contact our head office so that our salesman for your
district can make an appointment to call on you. |
|
|
|
Our professional fees depend on the
responsibility, skill and time needed to complete the engagement. Such fees
reflect our standard charges for different categories of personnel.
We
have assessed your company's recruitment policy and allowed for on-the-job
training to selected employees. At first, our consultants would supervise all
training.
We
appreciate your invitation to quote on training your staff in improved
management skills. If you need more information on our proposal, please contact
our head office and our sales representative will arrange to call on
you. |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
Words: 149 |
|
|
|
Words: 86 |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
(( MORE )) EXAMPLES OF TEXT EDITED WITH STYLE
WRITER
[From an ANNOUNCEMENT]
...without
StyleWriter
I
am pleased to announce that on June 15 Wildlife America will be opening a new
camp ground at 2300 Wildlife Trail where you are invited to see the newest
addition to Bear Bay, a beautiful mountain lodge with 21 units that will cater
to your every need this summer vacation.
....with StyleWriter
On June 15 Wildlife America will open a new
camp ground at 2300 Wildlife Trail. We invite you to see the newest addition to
Bear Bay, a beautiful mountain lodge with 21 units catering to your summer
vacation needs.
StyleWriter found
redundant words, passive verbs, and a 45 word sentence, and advised how to fix
the errors.
[From a WEB PAGE]
...without
StyleWriter
If you are a serious marketer, or a writer, or
just a person who can truly appreciate great sales copy, then you are in for a
very special treat. These sales letters have actually been tested, they have
actually been used, and they work like magic.
...with StyleWriter
If you are a serious marketer, a writer, or a
person who appreciates great sales copy, you are in for a special treat. We
have tested and used these sale letters. They work like
magic!
StyleWriter found
overused words and passive verbs.
[From a SEMINAR
HANDOUT]
...without StyleWriter
Relative to the brochures or circulars you may
want to include with your sales letter to reinforce the sale - providing the
materials you're enclosing are of the best quality, they will generally
reinforce the sale for you. But, if they are of poor quality, look cheap and
don't compliment your sales letter, then you shouldn't be using them. Another
thing, it will definitely classify you as an amateur if you hand-stamp your
name/address on these brochures or advertising circulars.
...with StyleWriter
If you include brochures or circulars with
your sales letter, they should be the best quality; they will reinforce the
sale. If they are poor quality, look cheap and don't complement your sales
letter, don't use them. Hand-stamping your name/address on these brochures or
advertising circulars will classify you as an amateur.
StyleWriter found lengthy sentences, redundancies, overwriting,
confused words, etc.
[From a PRESS
RELEASE]
...without StyleWriter
Bell Tech Labs, an online marketing
cooperative for web site hosting companies, is scheduled to officially launch
operations on January 15, 2001. In addition to hosting Web sites and resources
for ISPs, the site also sponsors a wide range of marketing programs, provides
educational information and opportunities and hosts a bookstore complete with a
shopping cart and order processing and fulfillment. [press
release]
...with StyleWriter
Bell Tech Labs, an online marketing
cooperative for web site hosting companies, will launch January 15, 2001. The
web site sponsors marketing programs and provides educational resources for
ISPs. The company also hosts an online bookstore.
StyleWriter
found passive verbs, jargon/abstract words, lengthy sentences, and
redundancies.
[From a NEWSPAPER ARTICLE]
...without
StyleWriter
...at the same time the Chair of the Board of
Directors was thinking about the restoration of the baseball field. From this
initial momentum came the formation and incorporation of the Friends of the Big
Leagues, dedicated to restoring the baseball field. Yearly we have made modest
profits which have been rolled back into assorted projects. Perhaps the most
exciting element in all of this is to see young families helping out in so many
valuable ways but mostly with their own manual labor to make this all happen
for the sake of their children.
...with StyleWriter
...at the same time the Chair of the Board of
Directors was thinking about restoring the baseball field. This early momentum
formed the Friends of the Big Leagues, dedicated to restoring the baseball
field. Each year we've made modest profits which we've rolled back into
assorted projects. The excitement in all of this is to see young families
helping out in so many ways but mostly with their own manual labor to make this
happen for their children.
StyleWriter found hidden
verbs, complex words, confused words, passive verbs, and
jargon.
[From a CORPORATE WHITE PAPER]
...without
StyleWriter
The practices described here should not be
seen as policies of the organization; nor should they be suggested as best
practices in any absolute sense. These practices are based on real experience
which we highly regard. They cover not just the storage of content and
associated metadata, but also aspects of initial capture and quality
review.
...with StyleWriter
The committee does not see these practices as
policies of the organization; nor do we suggest they are the best practices in
any sense. We regard these practices based on real experience. They cover the
storage of content and associated metadata, as well as initial capture and
quality review.
StyleWriter found
passive verbs, useless words, jargon, and complex
words.
Did You Know...
• The U.S. Navy estimated
Plain English could save it between $250-$350 million every year.
•
General Electric saved $375,000 by redrafting manuals in Plain
English.
• The Department of Veterans Affairs saved $40,000 in
redrafting one standard letter in Plain English.
• Many office
workers spend 90% of their working time simply reading or
drafting.
• National Audit Office calculated drafting costs between
$8-$160 per page.
• Plain English typically saves 30% in costs of
employee time drafting and reading.
• Running StyleWriter through
any document lets you measure if it is in Plain English. StyleWriter's Poor
Style Index measures excellent and good writing at under 30. A score of
over 100 is poor or bad style. Business and government typically average a
Poor Style Index of between 80-120 -- three to four times the
recommended average. Professional writers in publications such as Time,
Newsweek and The Economist consistently score an average Poor
Style Index of between 15-35. [SEE
GRAPH]. |
( GO BACK TO TOP
)
|
|
|
